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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?